"Leaders scrub tires."

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." (Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭3-4 NLT)



It's 11:04pm. Most firefighters pulling duty tonight; whether here at station 1, or in firehouses all over this great country are soundly asleep. I imagine their peaceful snores rumbling softly in bunk rooms, battling for supremacy with the modulations of oscillating fans. But me? I am DEFINITELY not asleep.

I am horizontal though, on the unforgiving concrete of a bay floor. You would think unforgiving concrete would at least have the decency to be cool to the touch, but this concrete didn't get the memo. I am sweating profusely, with a handful of tools and cleaners strewn around me, just in front of the Officer's side front tire of our rig, a 2010 Rosenbauer custom cab. I'm lying there because "I", a firefighter with 16 years experience, a good firefighter, a capable firefighter.... have made a truly humbling mistake. I lie here sweating; watching the long arms of the clock march resolutely past their appointed rounds, feverishly attempting to scrub the red and yellow curb paint from one colossal tire.

YUP. That's right... I did it- I ate up a curb in a truly spectacular fashion. With a rig full of guys, I bought, paid for, YAY- completely "OWNED" a section of curb coinciding with the location of our last call. To hear the guys tell it, the curb was equivalent in size to the GREAT WALL OF CHINA, and I was driving like a winged mammal from the nether regions. Anyone who understands firefighters at all knows the second my tire made contact with that curb, ( much more gently than they will ever acknowledge)  I was gonna pay.... (sigh) ...and pay I did.
For the remainder of their waking hours, the guys heckled and laughed ( I would NEVER do that to them, just by the way.) making fun of the guy who despite a wealth of knowledge and experience, had committed a rather egregious "Rookie" style mistake.

Later that night, after a phone call from someone who pretended to be Law Enforcement; calling to make a report on a severely damaged curb- the guys actually tried to help with the tire fiasco. While I sweated over a hot stove preparing dinner; they took the truck around back, washed her clean and scrubbed at the tire.It wasn't their responsibility, and I am truly grateful they did.When I went into the bay later that night, However; the tire was still less than "acceptable". I knew what I should do.

So now it's ODark30, and I'm scrubbing tire, humbled and annoyed with myself, angry that I could make this kind of mistake. I'm past this! Heck, I was past this YEARS ago. Newbies hit curbs and make silly mistakes, not guys like me. The words puddle hollowly between my arrogant ears, or maybe it's the sweat- at this point, I'm too tired to tell.

My mind follows the thread of negative thought deeper, and I actually question myself. " What am I doing here ?" I'm a forty year old firefighter. That slowly sinks in. "40?! FIREFIGHTER ?! WHY are you still a firefighter at 40? Why am I here? - lying on the floor, scrubbing my mistake off of a truck tire? The anger says I'm better than this, deserve better than this....and I wonder about my decisions in my career... whether they were smart decisions or desperate ones. I've consistently thought of myself as a capable firefighter, and a proven leader. Leader?  leaders don't make mistakes like this.... do they?  

I absolutely don't feel like a leader. 

But then again, what is leadership? Is it the guy who gets to make every decision, who calls the shots? Is it the guy who finishes first every race ? The guy who gets it right every single time?!
No, It's none of these things.

I encouraged myself with the fact that I was doing the right thing, refusing to turn over a truck that still needed detailing or fueling. I would stay up, and get this done because it's the kind of things "leaders" do.But the truth is the truck was my responsibility. Even if my "standard of care" is a little higher than someone else's might be, that alone doesn't make me a leader.

I hear a noise above me, and look up. My captain, a man whom I respect, and who's leadership I readily acknowledge, has walked out into the bay. " Whatcha Doin' Phil?" he chuckles. " Don't you know what time it is?"
I laugh, and then explain myself; why I couldn't let the truck sit at 78% fuel, and with paint on the tire. I'm kind of proud that he walked out here after finishing his duties, and has seen me scrubbing the tire. I hope it makes a statement about me. Maybe I am a leader after all.

We talk for a second, me lying on the hard, greasy concrete, and the captain standing above. When he turns away, I think he's leaving, and start back to work. It's not until he lies down on the other side of the tire, rag in one hand, cleaner in the other, that I realize what he's doing.
For a few minutes we work in silence, and I am understandably humbled again. After the conversation resumes, we talk shop; laugh at a few old stories. We break out the wax, and shine some of the chrome on the rig, chasing away her water spots.

When we finally finished working,  it was almost 2 am. I put up the cleaners, put the rags in the bin, and headed toward the bunk room. I was exhausted. As we parted ways in the hall, I look down at the captains hands- They are every bit as dirty as mine. I couldn't help thinking as I walked away, "I guess I was right after all....

... Leaders Do Scrub Tires."

"By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life." - Proverbs 22:4