Finish the Drill !

The Completed Project

     The last few weeks, My partner and I have been using our spare time at Engine 12 to work on a special project. It's nothing spectacular, but several months ago, we were looking at the pathway that leads to our training center. This area is the first thing visiting departments see when they arrive here, their first impression of our department. We thought it could use some "dressing up". My Partner was able to secure a flag pole for the station, plus some donated materials from his second job, and a close friend. With nothing but a vision of what this should become, we began working; sometimes long into the night.

Bobby and I "@ work" 

This is what we envisioned.
   Candidates crossing the apron ( The concrete pad in front of the station) would approach the pathway to the training center and see in front of them an entryway... two Small pillars, with low walls of fieldstone and masonry that vanish back into the hillside.The top of the Plaques are adorned, one with the Fire department/ training center logo; the other with a motivational quote. As they trudge up the hill, they'll first cross a tiled "landing area" of fieldstones cut and arranged into a Maltese cross pattern with Engine 12's number in the center. Beside this landing area, we created a pedestal... the American flag flies proudly above, a statue of a firefighter standing vigilant beneath. We hoped it would be inspirational. The simple truth is that during the hours of training in full turnout, or in the early hours of  morning, our work will probably go unnoticed. But we knew this when we began. So why do it ? Let's come back to this question a little later.

  "The Project" began to take on a life of it's own. Somehow, ( Hard to believe I know) we had grossly underestimated the amount of work involved. The weather turned cold. The mortar didn't want to set. We ran out of supplies, and we kicked in our own money and our off time. At times it was very frustrating. Some days one of us would not really be interested in working, sometimes both of us would be frustrated with the whole thing. But we pressed on, and now as the project nears completion, we have a sense of pride in the work it took, the thing we created with our hands; for our department and fellow firefighters.

   Now, let's revisit that question of "why do this?" On most days, yes it will probably go unnoticed. But I know ( because I've been there) there will be days when a firefighter ( maybe me) will be walking to the training center; cold or hot, wet, hungry, and exhausted. In his mind the question will arise, "I don't feel like being out here, we just did this, why are we doing this ... AGAIN ?"  He'll look up, and see the entry way, the vigilant firefighter on guard beneath our flag, the pride in that Maltese cross. His eyes will drift to the department logo emblazoned to his left, and then over to the pillar on his right. Engraved on a small plaque will be a phrase that reminds him- " Don't give up. Finish the drill. Do it again. Then when you've finished that, Do it again." He'll pause for a moment, maybe reflect... drawing from the reserve of determination that flows deep within all of us, he'll pat the statue on the helmet with his wet gloved hand, and trudge slowly up the hill to the training ground. Onward... TO DO IT AGAIN.

   And this is what it's about. That firefighter. Because all of us know that one day, someone may be counting on US to go just a little bit further, hold on a little bit longer. To finish the drill.Because Firefighters... REAL Firefighters... don't practice until they get it right. They practice until they can't get it wrong.


  "Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not a trait but a habit.

Thanks for reading, and GOD bless. 

Like a Boss

On August 24^th, The Hampton Fire Department hosted it’s first “Hampton Hometown Heroes” 5K. The race benefited firefighters Catlin Schroyer and Jordan Eaddy., both of whom are battling serious medical issues.

Kaila Bishop, Jordan Eaddy's fiancee' poses with the guys.

Several firefighters from site had already decided to run together in a show of support, when Firefighter Tony Smiley, who had participated in previous runs wearing full turn out gear, suggested this option to the group.

The entire group agreed this would be a great idea, either because we lacked appropriate amounts of intelligence, or perhaps because Smiley could sell ice water to a drowning man. Since we are firefighters I think a decent argument could be made for the first reason. It kind of reminds me of what my dear old Granddad used to say, looking at me and slowly shaking his head; “Boy” he would say, “If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.”

 Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Half way point. The red headed Guy is Alex Murray, Burton Fire.

Seriously, Why did we feel the need to wear “turn-out”, almost 60 extra pounds of gear, on a 3.1 mile run ? I can’t speak for everyone, but Jordan’s story inspired me. Several months ago, Jordan received a very grim prognosis, and at a point when most people would have just given up, he instead adopted a neon, lime-green slogan that simply says “Like a Boss”; a catchy little phrase that doesn’t indicate what you intend to do, but rather how you intend to do it. This was how he intended to fight his illness, and how he continues to fight it even today. Jordan decided he was going to fight “Like a Boss”. How then could we; his “brothers”, not run the same way?

You could say the story here is about accepting challenge, and forging ahead even when the outcome is unpredictable, or worse yet, all too predictable. But it’s also about Firefighters Loretta Williams (She was there on her birthday!) and Christopher Foster, who refused to cross the finish line until we did. They waited for us, then ran that last stretch to the finish alongside the formation, cheering us on.It's about Alex Murray, who did a lot of legwork (pun intended) to help this run happen, put his gear on and ran with us, and is now assembling firefighter runners from all over to run for "code 3 for the cure" a non-profit Cancer support group.  It’s about Firefighters, Law Enforcement, and EMS workers from all over the south coming together for a common cause. Just people helping people, in whatever way they feel most capable.

And then there's this:In the Facebook support group page for Jordan, there is a video of our finish. In the comments, Laura Eaddy said that her Brother watched the video and said “Those guys are awesome.” And for me, that’s what it’s really about. 

I like to think that for just a moment, Jordan was just as inspired by our effort as our effort was inspired by him.

SRSFD Firefighters Jay Evans, Christian Logan, Dwayne Sanford, Tony Smiley, and Phillip Weathers. 

                                                                       

Diary of a Divorcee, Part 1

  Even now, sitting here in front of this screen; I am unsure of EXACTLY what it is that I am doing. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay, because I have seen with my own eyes the elephant in the room.

ELEPHANT?
   
  Yeeeessss,  I guess it could have been a Gorilla, but I prefer to think of it as an elephant. A gorilla may or may not be out of place, depending on what kind of party it is, but an elephant? Elephants definitely DO NOT belong in the parlor. And even though he doesn't belong, the majority of us would be more content to distribute our guest's tea cups around the elephant, maybe cover him with a doily... anything to avoid discussing his presence. But he's not going away just because we refuse to deal with him.

So what is this Elephant, Phillip ?

I'm glad you asked. The Elephant is simply the number of real Christian men and women who, for whatever reason, suddenly find that they are now divorced.   WHOAA!!!! Wait a minute... Stay with me. I'm not here to discuss the biblical obligations, or the ramifications of divorce. I'm not willing to get wrapped up in a debate about ethics
.
This is about people.

Maybe not "YOU", maybe it's other people;but it's people that no matter what side they were on, are REALLY  hurting. People that want to know that someone else understands the way they are hurting, and has felt the same wash of anger, frustration, and bitter loss.
 I have often thought someone should tell these people they are not alone, should NOT be concerned with how they themselves will be perceived. They should lower their guard, let people think what they will, and hope that their laughter, or tears, makes them feel a little less alone.They should understand this need, hear it begging to be filled, and step up to the plate. Someone should.

   I didn't want to be that person. Not because I didn't want people knowing what was going on with Phillip or because I was worried what they might think about me. 
Oh,..Wait --  It was for precisely those reasons.
Regardless, I will still do this, even if everyone I know hates it.  I will not try to teach any lessons or show anyone how to do things better. This is my life. This is real. I've been there too. Draw your own conclusions.   Let's begin with this date...... and boy was it a doozey

1/23/09

   Today. Today began like most others, with a sunrise. The alarm goes off (mine really makes the MOST annoying set of beeps in the whole world.),  It starts off at a low volume, a steady beep-beep, beep-beep.  The beeps seem to say: "get-up, Phil -up".  The longer it goes unattended the louder it gets... building to somewhere between the neighbor's dog barking, and a jet engine. BEEEP-BEEEP-BEEEP!!, BEEEEEEP-BEEEEEEP-BEEEEEEP!!!! "GET-OUTTA- BED!" "WHO CARES-THAT-YOUR- DEPRESSED!!!".  I lay there until there's a knock on the door. It's the neighbor's dog. He's annoyed because he's trying to sleep and my alarm is keeping him up.

   So I get up. I go to my second job today, a job I took because I couldn't handle the days I was spending alone, and because it pays me money.
The night before, I had called the EX. She thought she had kidney stones and no longer has health insurance. She doesn't have health insurance because I refused to pay for her insurance after the divorce. We get along for the most part, but I (much to my chagrin) had taken her insurance away right after the divorce. I didn't take anything from our home and I let her have whatever terms she asked for. I NEVER wanted to be divorced, and the pain was too much,.. I couldn't fight her.
 I carried enough guilt without that. I KNOW  that for the last two years of our marriage, I did absolutely nothing to remind her how special she was, or to love her the way Christ loves the church. I had resented the fact that she stayed home with the kids while I worked two jobs, and still struggled to make ends meet.
I resented her, because everything I did was for her, and I knew that I wasn't getting it done. If I wasn't getting it done, it couldn't be my fault right? It had to be because of the demands I perceived were being leveled at me, to give more, make more, get better things, not for me, but for her.
Demands which, just by the way, she never actually verbalized. I found out later, these expectations were phantoms.When she pointed out that she had never asked me for those things, I could only reply  "But that's what I FELT I had to do... I knew you deserved better than what I was giving."
 When I found out that another man was in the picture, spending more time with my children than I did, I was furious. I stormed into H.R. at my job, and with a stroke of the pen, snatched away her insurance. I could have simply asked her to reimburse me. She would have. But I didn't. I was angry, and I reacted. And Now, I am Ashamed.

  As I get ready for work, the conversation of the previous evening echoes in my head. Hearing the pain in her voice, my kids playing in the background. I had gotten on the phone with them, told them how much I missed and loved them, and then I cried... alone. I miss my children... A LOT. I know they don't understand, and they hurt too. I know WE  are responsible for that, And I am ashamed.   When we got off the phone, I had offered to take the children, even though I also heard her boyfriend in the background. I fought down anger, and then resentment, and offered anyways. Not a real sacrifice. They are my children.  And even though I've had them 4 days out of the last week, I would take them again. The brief periods when they are with me are the brightest spots in my "divorced life."

   She said she would call back and never did. So I called her this morning. No answer. I brush it off and go to work.  I work part time for the family YMCA, in the water, four hours at a time, doing therapy with autistic children and patients with spinal cord injuries, or illnesses that make conventional land therapy impractical.I am NOT a therapist, but I work for one.   The day is full, and just distracting enough so I don't really have to think much about the EX/SICK/KIDS situation. It's over quickly.  I fill another hour or so working out in the gym before I go home.
 On the way home, I see that I've missed a call from her, so I call back.    She answers this time, And I am overwhelmed with sympathy. She sounds pitiful. I want to drive to where she is, and take her o the hospital myself. Instead, I get on the interstate and head home. She says she knows I have to work at the fire station tomorrow , and doesn't want me to get the kids. She has help she says. I hear him in the background. He's playing X-box with my stepson, and they are laughing and talking in excited tones.I feel like an outsider looking into the world that should have been mine, and I feel alone. So I ask to speak to Jaime (my stepson), and as he's telling me he loves me, I hear something else.

     I can visualize what happened. My youngest (two) has strolled up to the television and displaying his knack for mischief has gotten in the way of the screen, or hit a button to change the channel. In a loud voice, I hear "this guy" say "UN-UH!".
 He's correcting my son!! .my blood boils.
I try to hold it together, but when my EX is back on the phone I tell her what I intend to do if I EVER hear him raise his voice to my kid again. I ask her to handle the situation, but she hangs up on me.In my anger, I've completely forgotten how sick she is, how little she needs this right now.
  A second later the cell rings, and it's her number.
 I answer, but it is most definitely not her. "THIS GUY"  is confronting ME, saying he didn't do that and now-- WELL-- Now it's on. Like Donkey Kong.

  Trying to refrain from verbiage that could land me in jail, I inform "the guy" that I HEARD HIM say "UN-UH" to my child  (is this sounding ridiculous to anyone yet?) and he had better never address me again, in any fashion.I'm so angry I'm shaking. I hang up. 
 What just happened? It was so quick, I don't even know. I know I'm angry, angrier than I've been in quite a while.
As my blood pressure returns to normal, I know something else.

 I know that what I just did is sin.

Later on I pray, and ask God to forgive me. He lets me know that I have to ask the same of this man and my EX. So I text message an apology... it is all I can do at the time. I can't fix this, and I feel helpless, lonely, and  ashamed.
I have just failed to be Christian in a situation where it could have made a world of difference.   Why?  Because he said "un-uh" to my kid.
WOW... Phillip, way to blow things out of proportion.

   Tonight I try to remind myself that we all fail sometimes, and that God is merciful. But today, I know that I could have done better, and I am ashamed. I tell myself I am only human, and mistakes happen. It sounds lame, even in my ears. Today I confused emotions, allowed myself to be reactive, and severely crippled my witness. 
Why? 

Because someone whose presence I resent told my child "un-uh." Tonight I AM ASHAMED.

I Think Jesus was a Firefighter

All across America today, thousands upon thousands of times; the tones have "dropped" and men and women have scrambled into their gear, climbed aboard apparatus, and screamed off down the street to someone else's emergency. The reality is that whatever is happening down there, at the end of the "Run", really isn't their business anyways. So why do they do it ?

I have often struggled to explain to others what it means to me to be a firefighter. 

When someone asks: "What made you want to be a firefighter ?" or " What makes it worth it ?" I don't often know what to say.

The second question is especially difficult, because it references more than one issue - long hours away from home, low pay, and even things as far reaching as paying that ultimate price. I always wanted to answer, and answer well, but the words fail. It's not that I don't know, it's just that I don't know how to put in words what I feel inside, what I think, concerning this thing called firefighting. Maybe this will clear things up a little.

The other day I stumbled across the picture above, something I had read long ago, and forgotten. In a moment the disconnect between words and emotion was bridged. I read it over and over again, and want to share it with you now. It is important for one simple reason. Every man or woman who truly wishes to be a firefighter, aspires to the profession for these reasons. 

In the excerpt above, Chief Croker eloquently puts down these essential elements of understanding what firefighting is about. Allow me to unpack it.

1.) "Everything is destroyed by fire." Fire Destroys everything --it is as sure as any physical law. Provide it three things, fuel, oxygen, and heat, and it will exist, and it will continue to exist until it has consumed all of it's fuel. It is described in the new testament as being the way this world ends.(2Peter3:12) We know that nothing.... NOTHING, is "flame proof".... it's only " flame resistive" . Everything will burn once it's hot enough.

2.) " We strive to preserve from destruction the wealth of the world..."-- For the good of society, things that are valuable must be protected from destruction.The world of man collapses when The Good things of man; what he has created for the betterment and/or enjoyment of all, is destroyed. In a broader sense, If the good that man does is taken away, then what is left is only chaos and confusion.

3.) " But, above all; our proudest endeavor is to save the lives of men- the work of God himself." -
 Life is to be preserved, if possible, at all costs. Not just because it is valuable to us individually, but because it is the gift of God. Man is valuable to God, the Creator. Man is the only thing in the creation story that God took the time to fashion with his own hands... everything else he spoke into existence.

Condensed, the whole idea looks like this: I see the good in what man has created, and recognize his individual worth to God. I will gladly stand between these, and their ultimate destruction in this physical world, because if he were physically here, that is exactly what God would do.....would do? It's exactly what he did.

In the garden, the serpent hated Man. He knew the law that existed, and what God had said would happen to man if he broke that law. He knew God couldn't lie, and all he had to do to assure man's destruction was to get him to eat of the tree. And so he did.

What should have happened next was the absolute destruction of man,  the end of all humanity... the serpent laughing evilly in the background.

But what actually happened was this: The word of judgement was spoken. Fire fell from heaven to destroy the man God had created. The demon laughed... and then stopped suddenly, laughter frozen on his lips.

Across space and time a new sound was heard. For just a moment the sounds of angels singing above a tiny stable in Bethlehem sounded like the distinctive highs and lows of station tones. As all heaven grew silent,  the king of Glory vacated his throne, and stepped into the "Turn out" gear of his own mortal flesh. Without consideration for himself, he responded; and took his place between humanity and fire. 

Maybe that's overly simplistic, and a little "out there" for most people. But to me that's simply how it went down. There was no reason for God to come to man's rescue. He didn't have to, but he wanted to. His love for his creation made it "worth it". And in my mind, there is nothing more noble, nothing better served than the thing that is closest to the heart of God.
The serpent had it right; and at the same time, completely wrong. There was no way to avoid the natural consequence of Fire...  But the heart of GOD is the heart of the firefighter.


"No man is worth his salt who is not ready at all times to risk his well being, to risk his body, to risk his life, in a great cause." 
                                                                                                                -Theodore Roosevelt

He's never failed me.

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever." -Hebrews 13:8

It's been a while since I've sat down at the computer and written anything here. More than "awhile", actually it's been better than 4 months. I feel like I owe an explanation to anyone who may be reading this now. It's not that I don't want to write, or like I haven't tried... there are at least three drafts on my dashboard that I've started and abandoned. It's not because they weren't good topics, or because I ran out of words, but rather because those words seemed to lose value coming from me.

I am exactly what my profile says, a simple guy - a firefighter that's been through a lot, seen a lot, failed a lot. Those things would seem to mean that I should have a lot to say, or lessons to lend, or experiences to share... but the reality is that they mean the exact opposite. If I had to learn those lessons for myself, then what gives me the right to tell anyone else anything ? The truth you may need in the exact same situation may be different than the truth I had to find... God is incredible in this one fact- When you seek him in your life, your relationship... He will be exactly what you need to fill the voids left by your failings and inadequacies. He doesn't fail.

Somewhere this became me sharing... which is good, but somehow it became me sharing me... which is bad. The truth is my view, my truths are skewed by my perspective, by my position, and by my character, which may not be the same as the person's reading this. So let me share the one thing that is the same.

There was a lady who was very influential in my early adulthood. Her name was Francis Duvall, but we just called her "Granny Doll". I can see her now sitting in the pew a few rows up, her gray and white hair twisted up in traditional Pentecostal style. When the choir would sing that old song "  He's never failed me yet, he's never failed me yet... " I would hear Granny Doll's voice singing along, ... " He's never failed me ...., He's never failed me.... " her little hands raised in worship. One day I asked her why she left off the "yet" at the end of those lines in the chorus. She looked at me, her face growing very serious. " Because Phillip, the "yet"should never have been there." I remember her taking both my hands in hers, and saying " If I say He's never failed me yet, then the yet means that somewhere down the road, he might fail me... but he won't, because he can't." she sighed. " Jesus never fails... And That's why I sing it that way."

I can't write from a perspective of knowing anything except the truth that Jesus shares, the truth that He is. And I can't relate my experiences or knowledge to anything other than this truth. He loves us, and He NEVER fails.