Today is the first day of 2011, and you went back to your mother yesterday while I was at work. I'm sorry I had to leave you at Papa and Gammie's, yet I am grateful that I was able to kiss you and your brother good-bye before leaving. When I leaned over to whisper in your ear, " Daddy loves you, Sweetheart." ; You threw your arm around my neck, never opening your eyes, and kissed me on my cheek. My heart swelled with love and pride. Sometimes it's the littlest of things that are missed, and not being able to say good-bye to you and your little brother everytime I walk out that door is the only regret I carry into this new year. I carry it because I don't want there ever to be a gap in the knowledge I have carefully preserved in you and your Brother,... " Your Daddy loves you." The worst thing I can imagine is for Jaiden, or you,.. to ever wonder,.. " Does my Daddy love me?"
You turned Seven years old in November, and I am amazed at how different you are now than the first time I held you. That sleepy-headed, fragile flower I cradled,... is now blooming into a beautiful little girl. Sometimes I catch a flash, in the way you talk, or a face you make,... for just a moment,.. She shines, then dances away again;... the young lady you will become. Once again my heart swells with love and pride.
I was amazed at how concerned you were with the feelings of others this week, especially your Daddy. I wanted to note this, in case we forget,.. for this is something I want to always remember. You left me something,.. do you remember? The day before you left, as we discussed that you would be leaving,.. you actually said to me " Are you going to cry Daddy?" The concern in your voice, for the first time I can remember; wasn't for your sadness, but mine. I stood there for just a second, composing myself. There was no threat of tears, but the wash of emotion was incredible. " No sweetheart, Daddy won't cry." I replied, the steadiness of my voice surprising me." I know that you love me, and nothing changes that." I paused. " And you know that I love you don't you?" you tilted your little face up towards mine, and for some reason, I knew that the shine in those eyes was for me. My daughter was worried about how much "I" would miss" HER" ! You replied that You did, and went back to painting. But when you had finished, the art you left to dry on the counter is the picture attached to this note.The lump in my throat grew as you explained to me,.. " Daddy, If you hang this on your mirror, you will see it every night when you go to bed!, ... and every morning when you get up!.... and that's you, and that's me... see?!" All I could do was stand there, staring at this picture, trying to make sense of the emotions that battled for control. When the dust settled, what rose up within my spirit was a simple, Godly pride. What I had tried so hard to make sure you knew, you had tried just as hard to make sure "I" knew. YOU ARE LOVED. As I looked down into your little face, my heart swelled with pride,.... And love. The lesson I had wanted to pass to you had come full circle. I stood there : proud parent, proud teacher,.. and learned the lesson again. God Bless You Angel, Your Daddy loves you. Do you know that?
Signed,Daddy. ; )
No comments:
Post a Comment